a message i recieved from a religious man

Dear Kelly,
Deep down you DO believe in God, but perhaps you are still not ready to acknowledge that belief. Does God love you? Of course He does. He gave us His Son to suffer and die for us and would have done the same if you were the only person on earth. Ask God to increase your faith and you will be far more at peace.

You don t have to discuss your beliefs or talk about them if you don t feel peaceful about it. I am only writing to let you know that when you come to have a great need for answers because you feel empty inside or feel alone, you can write me and I will try to help you as a father would help his daughter.You appear to be a good person, but you also appear to have had a difficult life - especially during your childhood.

Your loneliness and difficult family relationships have caused you to reject any talk of God s existance because perhaps you are blaming Him for what has happened to you and/or your family. However, we can run away from many things in our life, but we cannot run away from ourselves and our conscience. Because that is where the Holy Spirit continues His Work in us to get us to return to our Creator. When you say: I do not believe I am very dear to God, you are already acknowledging His existence.

I have a great deal of experience in spiritual matters and have knowledge of the harm fear can do to us. When someone does not wish to discuss things that relate to his or her soul, that is because of fear and not necessarily a lack of faith. You are a good person who just needs to be reassured that there are people who do love you and God has given us a Church to help us practice our faith.

However, if that Church was not organized we would only have confusion, with each person only believing in himself, and not in what God reveals - if that were true we would not experience love, only selfishness. There is a lot of sin in the world but only God can help us overcome the world.

Vincent Bemowski



AND MY REPLY .......................................................

Mr Bemowski,
i apologise for any offence you may take sir but how dare you tell me what i believe deep down???

I do not blame "GOD" for anything that has haoppened to me or my family and i will not ask him to increase my faith, as I DO NOT BELIEVE HE IS REAL!!!!!!

he gave us his son to suffer and die for us. if he was real what a nice way to treat his son eh? how do you know jesus exsisted? you are putting your "faith" and trust into a book that has passed through many hands and many translations... tell me sir... if man is flawed how can you rely upon that???

I do not wish for you to help me as a father, i have a father and a step father of my own , whom i love intensely and have no need for a surrogate thanks. concentrate on your own daughter.

you do not have a clue about my life and what i may or may not have been through and it is not your place to comment on such a personal matter to me. i am outraged at your lack of decency. if believing in such a god makes you email a young woman about her problems and preach at a stranger and claim to want to help me like you would a daughter, then i am glad that he is not in my heart... the thought of him is implanted by your words, attempting to manipulate me, however i do NOT believe in his exsistance... i only believe in the exsistance of people like you sir.

have your own beliefs by all means but do not ram them down people's throats.

"There is a lot of sin in the world but only God can help us overcome the world"

were your exact words. does praying to your god give you comfort through times of crisis? yes. but does he prevent these times of crisis from occuring in the first place??? if you believe your god is testing your faith then he has no faith in you surely?.

you may reply if you wish, however i will not be coerced or manipulated into believing in his exsistance. i have my own personal set of beliefs and seen as you cannot escape from yourself and your conscious, as you delicately put it, i'll stick to believing in myself.

Good day,
Miss WELCH (we are not on a first name basis thankyou very much)

early morning message to myself

i struggle, it's not a secret. i struggle and all you do is slag me off when I'm not there. you threaten to wash your hands of me and not let me stay anymore if i don't go to the doctors, now i get that you say it because you care, but it doesn't really help does it.

no one could ever understand what its like, to be so petrified of going that i feel like i am going to die. panic overwhelms me and there is nothing i can do about it. it hurts me to the core when you slag me off mum. i feel it physically. the words are like jagged blades bouncing around an empty chasm inside of me. i can't help but shed a tear, I'm not weak... just desperate.

none of you know what it is like to be me. to live in my skin and in my head. I'm 20 years old, with no life, no Friends and i have to rely on someone for everything. if i spent a night alone i could die. how pathetic. i am in constant pain, physically and mentally .

yes i admit it may seem to you all that i am not doing anything, but i am fighting against myself everyday. it was only a month ago you were all congratulating me on my efforts to seek help. is it my fault that i have been abandoned yet again? the mental health team has not been in touch with me, even though they know I'm too weak, yes weak, to do it myself.

this is the most depressed i have ever been, nothing makes me happy anymore, nothing, and you all support me by slagging me off? thanks.

if i wasn't trying then I'd be dead by now. i am now stuck. i rely on you lot to let me stay, out of the goodness of your hearts coz i have no where else to go... but my flat. the place that makes me fear for my sanity and life. the place that is eventually going to kill me and now i can't stay here anymore. now i really am doomed.

the only person left is the one i treat so terribly. i love him with all of my heart but i don't want to be with him, not because of him, but because of me... i can't handle day to day things never mind being in a relationship. but then if i leave mark i really will be alone and he'll be crushed. I'm trapped. i have no one to talk to in MY hour of need. I'm there for everyone Else's but no one is there for me to talk to. i am sat on my mothers dining room floor, sobbing, retching and writing this on my mobile at 4am. I'm hurting so much, and i have since i walked out of that door 5 years ago.

it's catching up with me, suffocating me and taking it's toll and i don't know how much longer i can fight myself.

How descriptive, how apt..............

............ i wrote a monologue, a huge and truthful plea of how i can't cope and am struggling... and what happens??? ... it goes blank.. the screen dies and the phone dies too.

Just like my mind..... the words abandoned me too.

wondering

what was so wrong with me??

you left one day, i expected to see you the next and now i find out you are married with kids. 3 and 1 on the way!!!!!

I shouldn't be so devastaed, but you were my first love, i still love yuo a little, even now...

i always thought it'd be me you married.

i always thought you'd stop breaking my heart. you said when you got a job you would be with me..... you broke up with me adn abandoned me time and time again... i let you get away with it coz i loved you and was convinced we'd always end up together.

You were in my life for years, then you disappeared on me..... i guess i still thought one day you'd come back................. now it'll never happen.

thanks karl... you obviously didn't care as much as you said you did.

WHY??????

My opinion on current "Celebrities"

Agyness Deyn - hailed as the supposed new kate moss, the fashion industry's next great supermodel and an ambassador of British youth culture.. she has been pictured in every pop culture and fashion magazine from here to new york. But why???

She's a hanger on... a "model" who wants to get pictured hanging onto any celebrity possible. in my opinion she isn't that attractive. she's skin and bones, a fashion must of course, but she doesn't even pull the elfish look off.... she's too gangly. The mis-matched dress sense, the bad pictures and a body that looks like it's never been fed.

I don't disagree that there have been some good pictures of her but i do not doubt that some "air brushing" has taken place.

I have had enough of people claiming to be "role models" for young girls. If your aspiration is too look like this >>>>>>>>> then you need a head doctor....

Why has someone that has no special talent, other than making outrageous clothes look like they are on a wire coat hanger with what seems like jimmy saville's missing hair piece, become so famous?

She's not a fabulous artist, a novellist or even a great singer (and i heard her attempts on Friday night project :p no no no no no!!!!! gag her!!!!) just a plain person.......... a plain person who has become a name on the tip of everyone's tongues.

As you have guessed... i am not one that has been swayed by the talentless efforts of this broom handle and i pray someone out their also has a brain and realises they DON'T want to look like this!!!!

Please remember this is my "opinion" so no comments if you think i'm wrong because an opinion can't be wrong, because it's mine!!!!

Introduction

Hello and welcome to my blog.

Just a short and sweet message as a little intro. this is mainly for me, an outlet, however anyone is welcome to read this.

I will be adding poetry, short stories, general ramblings and pictures that i adore.

Hope you enjoy.

Kelly x x x